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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29769876">The Way You Make Me Feel</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/kabigon/pseuds/kabigon'>kabigon</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>(I Can't Wait to Go) Home [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Figure Skating RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Future Fic, Infidelity, LobbySameSameChallenge, M/M, Romanticized Cheating, Slow Burn, cheating with each other, post-retirement, vague smut</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-16 00:55:20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,292</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29769876</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/kabigon/pseuds/kabigon</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Here, in this moment, he feels like… he feels young again, his heart pounding in its cage.  He feels like he can go quad for quad with Yuzuru Hanyu again, like he’s twenty-one and chasing Yuzu on Cricket ice after their sessions.</i>
</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Javier Fernández/Yuzuru Hanyu, mentioned Evgenia Medvedeva/Wakaba Higuchi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>(I Can't Wait to Go) Home [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2187993</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>46</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Way You Make Me Feel</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>All the thanks to <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/of_feathers_and_bowstrings">of_feathers_and_bowstrings</a> for beta-ing =)</p><p>Contains highly romanticized cheating so I wanted to bring up at the beginning of this fic, in no way do I think cheating is romantic or sweet.  Cheating can ruin relationships and families and can end up hurting and emotionally scarring people for long periods of time, if not the rest of their life.  This is fic only so do not look at this as an example or justification for cheating.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As the plane starts to move and taxi on the runway and the Captain speaks into the PA system to relay all relevant information—how high, how fast, to where (Toronto), how long (13 hours)—Javi pulls out his phone for one final check, making sure that he had, indeed, switched his phone over to airplane mode.</p><p> </p><p>On the screen he sees the four of them, him and Yuzu, Tracy and Brian, in Pyeongchang, in the green room after they had cinched their medals but before the flower ceremony, wide grins on their faces.  On a whim, he’d changed it to this after receiving Evgenia’s wedding invitation half a year ago.  His heart swells with excitement, with anticipation exactly like it has every day since.  It’s been so long since he’s seen any of them.  He has his own permanent academy now, no more going from city to city, his own ice rink to manage and employees to handle and even his own skaters and he had told himself back then, “soon, soon,” but soon suddenly became a couple of years and all he’d exchange with Brian and Tracy had been phone calls interspersed between a week or two of camps they invite him for.</p><p> </p><p>How long has it been now though, since he’d skated on Cricket ice?  Three years?  Four?  Longer?</p><p> </p><p>And Yuzu?  It’s hard keeping in touch with Brian and Tracy.  It’s harder keeping in touch with Yuzu who supposedly home rinks in Sendai but flies all over to work on choreography with skaters.  But they’re the kind of people inexplicably tied together.  No matter how much time passes, no matter how wide the distance between them is, all they need is to see each other again, look in each other’s eyes, smile, and it’s like nothing has ever changed.</p><p> </p><p>These people, these three specifically, they raised him and, staring at the picture, music in his ears, blatantly ignoring the flight attendant demonstrating safety procedures in front of him, he can’t wait to go home.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>It’s probably time he admits he’s old.  There’s a crick in his neck from his overnight in first class that soft, expensive hotel pillows hadn’t fixed and a tiredness in his bones that seems to have seeped all the way through to his soul.  Eight hours of sleep means nothing.  Next time he flies halfway across the world he’s definitely going to bookend with at least a day’s rest to gather himself, to pull himself back together so he doesn’t look like a zombie.  He’d done his best with the dark circles under his eyes.  Good thing no one is going to pay attention to anyone else but the two, beautiful brides.</p><p> </p><p>Walking down the aisle together, they’re a vision, Wakaba and Evgenia, smiles on their faces, tears in their eyes, and before they even start their vows they’re already crying.</p><p> </p><p>“I used to think Russia was home, and home is where I belong,” Evgenia says through the tears.  “But now I do not care where home is or where I should belong as long as I am with you.”</p><p> </p><p>And Wakaba, swallowing only half her tears down, “I have been told my whole life ‘that is not the Japanese way’.  I have been told, ‘What you are feeling, keep to yourself, do not disturb the fabric of peace in our society,’ but then you took my hand and you told me you loved me, and from then I knew I would not care about ‘Japanese way’ anymore.  I knew then that I would say to you, any chance I can, every day, that I love you.  I love you.  Every day.”</p><p> </p><p>Javi doesn’t cry and never in public but he might have dabbed once or twice under his eyes with a finger.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>The reception is set beautifully outside in the courtyard and it’s like the weather herself has blessed the newly wedded couple, gifting them a beautiful, cloudless sky.  Twinkling lights hang above, some dangling, some netted, so that it creates a soft, golden glow, the tea candles strewn about the tables adding to the effect.  Everything feels slightly otherworldly, like they’ve slipped into another, more magical, realm.</p><p> </p><p>Javi finds his seat near the wedding party table, no surprise to him to see Yuzu’s namecard next to his, Brian’s on the other side.  No doubt Ghislain and Tracy and Jun and Jason and Katya will finish off their table of 8.</p><p> </p><p>He spots Yuzu on the other side of the courtyard, surrounded, trapped by a myriad of young boys and girls, laughing and playing and humoring them until slightly sheepish parents pull their children back to their tables, undoubtedly chastising them, telling them no playing until they’ve eaten their dinner.</p><p> </p><p>In golden light Yuzu is like a dream, seemingly gliding from his end of the courtyard to Javi’s and Javi is reminded of Yuzu at seventeen, just shy of eighteen, in Finland, and how he had told Yuzu, “We don’t have to,” and said to him, “I’d do anything you want,” and “If you want me to, I will-” only for Yuzu to shake his head, turning down Javi’s offer.  He knows what he wants and he never backs down from a challenge.  Washed in amber from soft Edison bulbs, Yuzu had stolen him away, his hands on Javi’s chest to balance himself as he sunk down, opening himself up to another human being for the first time.  Like he’s twenty-one again, the sight of Yuzuru Hanyu washed in gold, beautiful and ethereal, steals him away.</p><p> </p><p>“Hi, Javi,” he says.</p><p> </p><p>“Hi, Yuzu,” he says, and they slip back into what they were, into what they <em> are. </em></p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Yuzu can barely get any food into his mouth between talking with the table, catching up, and another little girl or boy coming by, giggling, asking, “May I have this dance?”</p><p> </p><p>“Of course, my lady,” he would say.  “Of course, my lord,” he would say too.</p><p> </p><p>Javi, too, has his fair share but he’s faster than Yuzu at eating.  Next to each other on the dance floor, Yuzu tells him, “It’s those eyes, Javi.”</p><p> </p><p>“Is it?” he asks as more kids circle them, grouping into a hive mind, pushing the two of them together.  Javi goes willingly, catching Yuzu in his arms, one hand pressed palm to palm with Yuzu’s, the other at his waist.</p><p> </p><p>“It is,” Yuzu confirms with a nod.  This close, their marginal height difference comes into play, Yuzu staring up at him.  “How many hearts have you broken with those eyes?”</p><p> </p><p>Javi barks out a laugh.  “How many hearts have <em> you </em>broken, Ice Prince?”</p><p> </p><p>Yuzu mock gasps.  “I have broken no hearts.  All heart breaking is Javi’s.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh?” he prods as he spins Yuzu under an arm.  “What about Nathan?  And Roman?  Shoma?  Oh!  Let’s not forget Keiji.  Poor Keiji.  That man has been pining for you for what, almost two decades now?”</p><p> </p><p>“Javi,” Yuzu whines, hiding his face in Javi’s shoulder.  “Don’t.  We can make fun of Nathan and Roman and Shoma because those are just harmless crushes but not Keiji.  I still feel bad about Keiji,” he concludes guiltily.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay,” he concedes, breathing the word into Yuzu’s ear.  And then, sweeter, tinged with regret, tinged with sadness.  “Is it because of me?”</p><p> </p><p>“No,” Yuzu tells him truthfully.  “It is because of me.  What I feel for Javi-” He catches himself, catches his mistake, <em> “felt, </em> felt for Javi, I never felt again for anyone.  I think that’s just me,” he continues before Javi can interrupt.  “I am just different.  A lot of people around me always thinking about dating and falling in love and who is ‘hot’ and I look too but I feel nothing.  I remember… Javi used to make my skin feel like it was burning.  Javi used to make me feel like my body <em> wants </em> and my heart feel like it would burst but also like it yearn so much but no one else ever made me feel like that after so I think I just don’t need like other people.  I am my own complete person.  I am happy.”</p><p> </p><p>“If you’re happy then I’m happy,” he says, giving Yuzu’s hand a heartfelt squeeze.</p><p> </p><p>“I am happy, Javi.  I hope you are happy too.”</p><p> </p><p>Javi smiles, leaning back to ponder it a bit, ultimately asking, “What is ‘happy’ anyway?”</p><p> </p><p>Yuzu <em> tsks </em> at him, purposely stepping on one of his feet.  Lightly though because Yuzu couldn’t hurt a bee.  “I hear from Jason already.  Two years ago so you cannot lie.  Javi is finally engaged after so many girlfriends so must be happy.”</p><p> </p><p>Javi hums noncommittally, not giving the game away.</p><p> </p><p>“Javi,” Yuzu admonishes, “Cannot be lazy.  You have to set wedding date and then get married.  You let Evgenia and Wakaba beat you!”</p><p> </p><p>He answers with another hum instead of anything concrete, dipping Yuzu as a distraction, Yuzu instinctively tightening his fingers around the fabric of Javi's jacket.  It’s then that the children, now bored, now eager, now ready to start a new game, pounces.  A tiny hand swats at Yuzu’s shoulder, and then words of war are uttered.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re it!”</p><p> </p><p>Hell hath no fury like a Yuzu scorned.  It’s the only reason Javi didn’t drop him and run.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>They know they’re the ones who have to lose eventually—them’s the rules when you play hide and seek tag with a bunch of children under eight—but not yet.  There’s still time.  Together, hand in hand, running at top speed, they round the corner of the church and press themselves flat against the wall, stifling their laughter, hidden by the low light of summer dusk while the children run past them with joyful shouts and laughter as they continue chasing phantoms.  </p><p> </p><p>The grins burst through, refusing to be contained even by Yuzu’s hitching breaths, one transitioning into the next, and Javi trying to catch his own too.  He’s too old now, probably, to play with children like this, and maybe he’s a little out of shape too.  But here, in this moment, he feels like… he feels young again, his heart pounding in its cage.  He feels like he can go quad for quad with Yuzuru Hanyu again, like he’s twenty-one and chasing Yuzu on Cricket ice after their sessions.  He’d forgotten how it felt to be so young, to feel so carefree, to live one moment to the next, to be surprised, spontaneous.  When had his life become so boring?  When had <em> he </em> become so boring?</p><p> </p><p>He drops his forehead against Yuzu’s, unable to rid himself of the grin still splitting his mouth so widely, and the words come out unbidden, honest with himself and with Yuzu in a way he hasn’t been in a long time.  “I miss the way you make me feel,” he says, a confession, truly, closing his eyes.  And then he leans in and follows through on what comes naturally, what feels inevitable.  He catches Yuzu’s mouth with a kiss, inhaling deeply to take in this shared moment, taken away from prying eyes while their worlds are on pause for the night.  The moment extends, stretches, time slowing when Yuzu responds, his free hand sliding up Javi’s chest, tangling in the hair at the nape of Javi’s neck.</p><p> </p><p>When they pull back they’re both breathing harsher than before, and he’s never felt more <em> alive. </em>  Yuzu lets out a contented sigh, their foreheads touching again, and when he opens his eyes to meet Javi’s, to trap him, they’re so lovely filled with all the affection and adoration Javi hadn’t known he’d missed all these long years.</p><p> </p><p>Yuzu opens his mouth to say something, maybe <em> I miss the way you make me feel too </em> but he never gets the chance.  They’re discovered by the kids again, every single one running towards them both at top speed, no thought for slowing down, no thought for breaking, fully intent on barrelling and tackling them to the ground as they try to break all the falls, at least three children per one of them piling on top, one over the other.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>There are only a few of them left lingering, the catering staff discreetly giving them all the evil eye, willing the party’s stragglers to just go home already so they could finish up with their cleaning.  It’s the right thing to do at 2 in the morning even if he doesn’t want the night to end.</p><p> </p><p>Yuzu calls for his cab first as they walk down the long driveway to the road, one slow step at a time, enjoying the night stars and the sounds of crickets chirping away.  There’s a slight chill in the air now that makes him want to take his jacket off and put it around Yuzu’s small shoulders.</p><p> </p><p>As Yuzu speaks into the phone, rattling the address off, rattling some directions, Javi thumbs at his own screen, contemplating when to make the call.  <em> If </em> he wants to make the call.  They arrive at the curb, turning towards each other and shuffling their feet, looking down at their scruffed up dress shoes, no doubt the work of tiny feet standing atop them.</p><p> </p><p>Javi asks while they’re both still there, while they still have some of the magic from the night left permeating their existence, while there’s still some courage left in the pit of his stomach to draw from before the coach turns back into a pumpkin.  “I’m not tired yet.  You want to hang out in my hotel?  Could be like Finland again, sharing a room, you know?  We had fun, didn’t we?”</p><p> </p><p>Yuzu breaks into an easy grin.  “Yeah, could be fun,” he echoes.  “But maybe not same fun as then though.  That would be cheating and Javi is to marry.”</p><p> </p><p>It would be, and he is but for the moment that feels like another world, another life, another time.  This world, this life, this night, he cups Yuzu’s face and he tells him, “I’d do anything you want,” because it’s true.  He would.  In a single heartbeat, he’d do anything Yuzu wanted.</p><p> </p><p>Yuzu’s eyes slip close and he leans into the touch, mouth parting as his breath hitches.  “Javi,” he says, speaking softly, “you don’t play fair.” </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>It’s a slow simmer as he presses Yuzu against the door with slow, molasses-like kisses, Yuzu humming against him.  Fingers climb up his ribs, up his chest and to the tie knotted at his throat, tugging it loose, undone.  Buttons next, nimble fingers working each free and then Yuzu is pushing his shirt, his jacket, off his shoulders.  Javi helps, reaching behind himself to work his arms free of the sleeves.</p><p> </p><p>Yuzu next, he mimics the same, pushes further, drops to his knees and undoes Yuzu’s belt, his pants, the zipper.  He frees Yuzu’s legs, placing a kiss on his right ankle, gentle and sweet and filled with adoration before he puts it on the ground and goes back up, placing more kisses on his way.  Like this, Yuzu’s hands in his hair, soft, appraising, low moans escaping his mouth as Javi works at swallowing him down, Javi wishes this could be his life.  Forever.  Always.  Because only Yuzu makes him feel so much, so deeply.  More than anyone before.  More than anyone after.  He’d been scared by it once, when he’d been younger, telling Yuzu, “I don’t think I can do this.  It’s too much, Yuzu.  I don’t think I’m supposed to be feeling this much and with everything else going on and the competitions I don’t think I can handle it.”</p><p> </p><p>And now?  Now he craves it.</p><p> </p><p>“Javi,” Yuzu rushes out in warning but he doesn’t care, keeps going until the bitter rush of salt fills his tongue.  He claws back up, that same taste still on his tongue, and devours Yuzu’s mouth, pillaging, thrusting in between his teeth until he can no longer tell where he ends and Yuzu begins.</p><p> </p><p>“Let me fuck you,” he breathes out when they part, his hands traveling down Yuzu’s hips, past his cheeks and down to his thighs, the muscles in his shoulders tensing in preparation.  “Please,” he begs.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah,” Yuzu says, murmuring against his lips.  “Yes.”</p><p> </p><p>He lifts Yuzu up, strong, powerful legs wrapping themselves around his waist as he carries Yuzu to the bed, kissing and kissing and kissing, never wanting to stop.</p><p> </p><p>It’s dumb and it’s stupid but they have no condom, neither of them expecting <em> this, </em> and he’s telling Yuzu, after Yuzu has been prepped with makeshift unscented, sensitive skin lotion for lube, “I don’t care.  I don’t care if you don’t care.”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t.  I don’t care,”  Yuzu says, hooking his knees over Javi’s elbows, raking at Javi’s shoulder, nails digging in when Javi pushes in raw.</p><p> </p><p>It’s so much.  </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Yuzu’s fingers slide into his hair from behind, gripping and pulling at him, forcing his back to accommodate, arching as he cries out, throat hoarse and raspy as the sudden sharp pain sends pleasure tingling down his spine.  Yuzu sinks into him again, spearing him open, setting him ablaze and he’s being wrecked so good he can’t do anything more than moan and cry out.</p><p> </p><p>It feels so good, Yuzu stretching him, inside him.  There’s been others, one night stands and a curious girlfriend, but nothing like this, nothing like Yuzu.  <em> No one </em> is like Yuzu.  No one <em> fucks </em> him like Yuzu.  No one fucks him with such single-minded intent, like his only goal is to tear Javi open, shatter him into pieces, and reshape him into someone who can’t live without Yuzu.</p><p> </p><p>He’s not sure how he’s been able to live so long without.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Time isn’t a construct Javi understands anymore, not right then, not with Yuzu collapsing on top of him, Yuzu’s chest to his back, a sheen of sweat beading over their bodies, his lips kissing the skin behind Javi’s ear.  He’s so out of it he doesn’t hear what Yuzu is whispering, his mind heady, lofty and light and airy, like he’s floating on a cloud.  Yuzu could say anything and he’d agree.  Yuzu could say anything and he’d love it.</p><p> </p><p>Yuzu coaxes him over onto his back and cards his fingers through Javi’s curls, pushing it away from his face.  It takes a moment, like Yuzu is drinking him in one last time, and then he’s being kissed, smooth, slow kisses, sweet and loving, one melting into the other and it goes on and on and on.  Javi falls asleep that way, Yuzu on his lips.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>The next day when Javi wakes up, blinking blearily, Yuzu is already gone.  They hadn’t talked much about what happens after, nothing about breakfasts or when flights were planned or anything.</p><p> </p><p>Maybe this is it, he thinks.  This is how they are, how they’ve always been, and maybe this is how they’ll always be.  Just… moments in time, stolen, experienced and tucked away, two satellites colliding yet never orbiting, never locked in like the moon is to the Earth.</p><p> </p><p>He tells himself he’s okay while shampooing his hair, water streaming down his face and his body.  He starts to believe it when he begins scrubbing the day prior off, washing away all remnants of Yuzu on his skin.  It’s okay, really.  He’s fine.  This is what they are.  They collide and then they leave.  Sometimes with tears.  Sometimes with smiles.  And sometimes with nothing at all.</p><p> </p><p>The facade falls apart, crumbles like clay when he finds the card during his last stretch of packing, hidden away in an empty, unused drawer.  A test of fate, maybe?  Serendipity?  Yuzuru leaves behind a number scrawled on the front with the words <em> Call Me </em> and when he flips it over, on the other side, <em> It’s real, the way you make me feel. </em></p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Please click right on to the next part ^_^.</p><p>Favorite line to write in this part: He feels like he can go quad for quad with Yuzuru Hanyu again, like he’s twenty-one and chasing Yuzu on Cricket ice after their sessions.  Which is why I used it for the summary LOL.</p><p>Anyway, thank you so much for reading, and, as always, comments and kudos are very much appreciated.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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